I’m 17 years old and I come from a single parent household, not because my father left but because he made bad decisions. To spare all detail, lets just get down to the facts. My father has been in jail for the past 13 years. I roughly remember him and he is being released in 2 weeks. I found out he was coming out 3 months ago and the count down hasn’t been easy. My mother wants me to have nothing to do with him and gets nervous when she speaks of him-she’s even made me promise to stay away. She says that he a bad man. She doesn’t deny me communication with my dad’s side of the family, only with him. But my dad’s sister told me he wants to see me. I have not spoken to him in all these years because of my mom. I want to see my dad but I am afraid of disobeying my mom. Should I go see him or should I not?
-Lorena
Boyle Heights, Ca
This is a hard one. Because you are a minor, by law you are obligated to obey your mother until you are 18. In which point in time you are considered an adult and are fully responsible for your decisions, actions and person as a whole. Trusting that your mother is being honest with you about her perception of your father and has no actual reason to lie, you should take her word and obey her wishes to stay distant from your father until your old enough to take initiative to form a relationship with your father and draw your own conclusions about the type of person your father actually is and categorizing him accordingly to your own sentiments without influence or interference of your mother. I don’t think your mother has intentions to sabotage any ties to your father, other wise she would prohibit you from all connections to him, like for instance, denying you any sort of communication with his side of the family. If you desire to re-connect with your father and maybe even establish any kind of relationship with him by the time he is released, then you should have talk with your mother. Explain to her your reasons for wanting to see your father. But, also give her a chance to explain to you were she is coming from and why her concerns exist. After things are cleared and questions are answered, you should be able to be more confident in the choice you want to make. Whether it be to see your father or keep your space. After all is said and done, he is still your father and only you can give him his place as what he truly is to you.
I know this girl who is having a problem with her husband. He gets home late every day. She is suspecting that he may be cheating on her but she cant prove that he is. He has never given her any reason to doubt him since he is loving and caring-except for the fact that he is always “working” including the weekends. Could he be cheating?
-Tina
Pico Rivera, Ca
I’m not suggesting “this girl” jump-the-gun and accuse him of cheating, but I am suggesting she put her Inspector Gadget cap on and do a little research on her man. I am sure he has a paycheck, one that records when he clocks in and out. If the times don’t add up to his “late nights at work” timeframe, then it is obvious that his alibi isn’t legit. She can also call him at work during his “working hours” to make sure he is in attendance. An unannounced visit to his work site may clear things up a little better for your friend. If her husband is cheating on her, she wont have a difficult time catching him. Cheaters for the most part want to get caught and in wanting to get caught they become sloppy and careless, dropping hints and leaving clues on the surface of your vision. On the flip side, you never know. He might be working long and hard to keep financial matters afloat. If he is loving and caring, she should feel comfortable enough to talk to him, tell him her thoughts on his late night homecomings and share her suspicions about him. If he is loving and caring, he will care and love her enough to clarify her doubts in him and prove his innocence and loyalty to her by doing whatever he may need to do, so that his wife is at ease.
My best friend, who is a guy, and I are into each other but our timing is always off. Over time I developed feelings for my best friend and I was afraid to tell him because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and on top of that I felt the feeling wasn’t mutual. I tried to move on by talking to my best friends cousin, instead. Shortly after, I found out my best friend did have feelings for me and while I still have feelings for him, I don’t have any feelings for my best friends cousin. However, my best friend started seeing another girl and it tears me up inside to know I want him as more than a friend but now I fear its too late to even say anything. Should I still tell him how I feel even though he’s with someone else or should I just drop it and let it go?
-Astrid
South Central L.A., Ca
It’s like the priest says at weddings, “speak now or forever hold your peace.” So which is it? Speak on what you feel and find out once and for all if things will turn out as you hoped or keep your silence and let it consume you with what if’s, should have’s and could have’s? The strongest relationships are formed from friendships. You’re already best friends so you have the upper hand against any girl he dates. Ultimately, you’ll always be the girl he runs to because you know him best. I vote for you to come clean and confess your feelings to him. This way you’ll find out if he really feels the same about you or if he just doesn’t see you in the same way. Let go of your fears. The worst that can happen is for him to tell you he rather be friends, and even then, what are you really losing? You’ll still have his friendship. Remember, those who don’t speak up, don’t have the right to complain.
